Flattery or Jealousy?

Mar 24, 2012

Marla W.

Hello All,

I would like to get a different perspective on a situation... Its always been said that imitation is the highest form of flattery but I'm not so sure I agree. Here's the problem... I have a very close friend whom I share everything I learn with. Well her response is usually like oh well Im not that interested in it or why r u trying to do that it just comes naturally to me... But she then starts doing the EXACT same thing im doing or takes credit for the tips I give her when sharing with others. It highly irritates me because I have shared so many things and heard her criticism but then she goes and get involved with the very thing she feels is "cute for me but not really her thing"...
I dont know how to address her without causing akwardness cuz she really is like a sister to me but I sometimes feel like I cannot share my ideas without a patent...lol

signed,

Not flattered.

Mar 24, 2012

Marla W.

she is 28 Im 27

Mar 24, 2012

Zoe C.

^^ Seriously? That's what girls do when they're about 14. I don't know either of you, but she sounds childish >_< I've had the same thing happen to me a lot of times, but I never really knew what to do so I stuck with it until they got bored of me xD

Mar 24, 2012

Charnell C.

Sounds like a frienemy. Just don't tell her anything about makeup anymore. If she is really interested in it, she will research on her own.

Mar 24, 2012

Victoria D.

I had the same problem with a friend of mine. Everything from artwork, to photographs, to makeup, to jewelry designing. She would pretty much just copy everything I did, and tell others I was coping her! It's so so soooo annoying! I haven't talked to her in over a year, shes kind of the sort of person who needs to make you feel like shes better than you. Always. At everything.
So despite not talking in a loonnnggg time, she's still doing it! Ugh!

Mar 24, 2012

Marla W.

Thanks Ladies for commenting and giving your opinion... I sometimes dont want to believe the obvious when it involves those close to me. Victoria D "Ugh"... really sums it up... :0)

Mar 24, 2012

Jessica F.

if she acts like that for simple things and u continue to allow her to do so
down the line she is most likely going to get more rude about it u should be sudtle and just tell now that it makes u uncomfortable that she does things like that if she is really ur friend she will understand and stop, and if she doesnt she is not a true friend.

Mar 25, 2012

Liann H.

If you guys are really that close, it shouldn't be as difficult to confront her than you're thinking it will be. You really have to just tell her how you feel about it and ask if it's what she is meaning to do. Ask her to be completely honest with you when you share new ideas and tips with her because it sounds like she is genuinely interested if she is so eager to tell other people or take credit from you. It can be hard having those talks, but I think that it's the best thing to do if you're having trouble with a friend. good luck!

Mar 25, 2012

Marla W.

I will talk talk with her for sure ladies thank you all so much again.

Mar 25, 2012

eyTARA x.

if it were me, i just wouldn't share my ideas with her anymore, but not let that interfere with your relationship. Its hard sharing ideas and what not with someone who is into the same stuff as you because of course anyone is going to be influenced to try things they learned... but not giving credit where it is due is not cool. It would be awkward to call someone out on something like that so its best to just stop sharing and keep doing your own thing :)

Mar 25, 2012

Bee K.

JUST went through this! definitely a "toxic friend" or frenemy. I felt so strongly about it I wrote a post about it a week ago! Best thing to do is cut people like that out...I wrote a post because there was actually a UCLA study released at the beginning of this month that proved that toxic relationships were physically bad for your health.

My "best friend" (so called) stole all my wedding ideas (from table placements to bridesmaids dresses colors...her wedding was 5 mos before mine but I trusted her.

Eh. That's life! You'll find better :)! xo

Mar 25, 2012

Marla W.

@ Bee K I agree with the study its almost like I feel heart broken I cant explain it but it is what it is and 0_o @ your situation... I couldnt imagine!

Mar 25, 2012

April A.

I used to get so annoyed when my friends would copy me or steal credit for the things I helped them with, but then I learned to put myself in other peoples shoes. Maybe your friend is a bit envious of you or maybe she's just lost when it comes to this stuff so copying you is the easier thing to do, ya know? I could sit here and speculate a million reasons, but it's best to just talk to her. At the end of the day there's a reason you're so close to her and she's close to you too. It's not worth losing a friend so tread lightly and take into consideration that there may be an underlining problem. I wish you the best, doll. (^～^)

Mar 25, 2012

Heather H.

This is quite common, especially in the work place, people taking the credit for others' ideas. Usually this stems from some sort of insecurity, which is kind of heartbreaking if it is your friend.

I agree with April, she is envious. I would probably just sit her down and say that you don't mind sharing your tips and tricks with her, but you would appreciate a little credit and/or honesty when she shares them with others.

Mar 25, 2012

Marla W.

Thanks April A and Heather H... and everyone who has responded. I really feel like you all understand and since the incident was with my best friend I felt like I had no one to talk to but seeing that some of you have experienced the same thing is very comforting... I needed to know if I was being softskinned or in the wrong ...lol thanks again... Im so happy I found this site u all are the best!

Mar 25, 2012

Michelle B.

I have a gay male ex-friend who used to do that ALL the time when we were friends! But I think he was much worse because he would steal peoples ideas and take credit for them behind their back, and he also lied about everything! (he claimed to live in a mansion in Compton and was rich lmbo).

just know you are not alone Marla W. people like that are hard to be around! also it is all envy and pride. She is envious of you but won't admit it.

Mar 27, 2012

Lauren C.

I'd stop sharing the info with her then

Mar 27, 2012

Lydia T.

I would let her know that I realize what she's doing, telling her "Oh, I'm glad you find the technique I SHOW YOU very useful, let me tell you is working wonders on you and I saw you sharing with someone else! that's great!"
jaja I'm very bitchy!

Mar 28, 2012

Soma S.

I feel your pain... I've recently had to deal with this, but I didn't even bother addressing the issue when I kick myself inside for not doing so. =/

Honestly, even if it would have been nice to give her a piece of my mind, I'm not the type of person that likes confrontation. Just distance yourself from them if you can. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and sooner or later - they'll come back to you to get more of the good stuff from ya'. That's when you just hold your head up high and tell them maybe another time and they should try to go solo for a while. If they don't come back giving credit to you later, they're not worth keeping around.  =)

Mar 28, 2012

Marla W.

Thanks Ladies I have read all these comments and they have all been helpful... I had a talk with a mutual friend about the situation and she basically said the same as you all. I have decided to take everyones advice and keep the things im into seperate. Its going to be so hard cuz I love to share...lol :) thanks again ladies and LOL @ Lydia I love it!)