The Nonsense Has To Stop!!

Jul 5, 2015

Shelley W.

I'm going to cut right to the chase and say that the rude, snide, disrespectful comments that have been spouted off has to stop!! We all have opinions and we have the right to voice them but when the dialogue becomes a verbal war when one disagrees then we have a serious problem.

I joined this site because I love all things beauty. I love sharing what I learned over the years from my personal experience and the resources that are available to me I'm able to share with you all. Its my little oasis of relaxation.

For the past few months I've noticed an uptick in rude behavior amongst users here. And you know what's crazy?! Ugly words and just flat out disrespect coming forth from some very beautiful young ladies. We've lost quite a few great long-time users due to the behavior of others on here and a lot of it has to do with the mean girl mentality that has blossomed on here. A few times I wanted to leave myself.

I'm pretty much tired of all the mud-slinging that has been going on here. This is suppose to be a safe and inviting community for all and instead its turned into a not so fun place to be.

If you don't agree with someone's opinion the ideal response shouldn't be snide and just flat out disrespectful. I'm tired of the mean girl mentality that is running loose within the BL community. As a mod I'm not going to tolerate it anymore. If I see such ugliness I'm going to call the user out on it. I deal with too much pain and sadness in my line of work and I'll be damned if I come here and see ugliness being expressed in words. We should be suppprting and encouraging one another...not spit demeaning words.

Jul 5, 2015

Diana T.

You tell em Shelley! I completely agree with you! There have been times when I took a hiatus because I felt like girls were ganging up on me trying to tell me or someone else that we are wrong for offering advice (that usually is of a natural or DYI) nature and I'm sorry but if someone is specifically asking for a DIY or natural remedy then who are they to tell the person not to do it!?! I don't go around on other people's posts and say "don't put those harmful and carcinogenic chemicals on your face" so don't tell me or another beauty to not put sugar or lemon or whatever we want to put on our faces - it just seems like there is this double standard where people think they know everything (when they are far from experts and even the experts have varying opinions on most skincare/natural/DIY stuff) to where I get tired of even posting... Or just defending people's right to put whatever they want on their skin or face without the negative comments from people saying not to do it... And of course I've seen some really ugly and nasty words used on this site to describe women in general (like slut shaming, etc) and it really makes me mad so I speak up about it but then people come back saying me taking offense is taking it too far - when I know no one wants to be called those ugly words so why let anyone use them in the first place? I'm sorry but I agree with you Shelley that if I see something nasty or rude comments then I will speak up and call people out on them because I truly believe that "silence is defeat and my solution is to speak" and if I don't correct someone for being offensive or abusive then nothing will change - so thank you for keeping an eye out for these things - as well as other moderators for keeping this community positive :)

Jul 5, 2015

Samantha C.

Sometimes the harshest comments we hear are from other women and that is sad. You can give constructive criticism without being rude. You can disagree with someone without being disrespectful. I myself am 30 years old and I am seeing the next generation coming up and we have to give them a good example. Nasty comments, shaming, belittling, and cutting another person down is not how we want them to follow.I love this site and check it daily, but some of the things being posted are horrible. I know there are some younger users on here that read these posts and it shapes some of their views.

Jul 5, 2015

Nicole M.

I soo agree with everyone here. This app should be where we help people and give them tips and tricks and share makeup looks or whatever. I don't think people should cut others down because they don't like it! Some things posted are terrible. I love this app and I am only 13 but I still think the lack of maturity in some comments on absurd.

Jul 5, 2015

Rissa G.

Good point.. I get so annoyed seeing people go back and forth on who's right or wrong and they take it to a whole new level! Last time I checked, this is an open forum, and I highly doubt most people on here are professionals. You should always take advice with a grain of salt, because for the most part it is from personal experience on here. I don't see the need to belittle someone because they don't agree with something you said. Agree to disagree, ladies. It's really not that serious. Remember, what works for one may not for another.

Jul 5, 2015

Kelly R.

I agree with Tiffany about the filtering. I asked a question one time that was was a legit question - I was told to just YouTube it -what would be the point of this discussion forum if it wasn't to discuss how real people feel. I wanted to get users opnions from this site not youtube. I have also seen extremely rude and over the top comments on here that have made me not want to post.

Jul 5, 2015

Sabrina K.

Diana I think the best and quickest way to contact us is on our profiles! But we are not on all the time so sometimes it will take time for us to respond, but we do it as quickly as possible! Also I made a mistake with the email, its now corrected to the right email:) sorry for that hehe its pretty late here in my country but here is the correct email to contact the beautylish team it's help@beautylish.com :) I would like to also point out that when user's hit the flag button it is directly letting the team know the issue and they go in and promptly investigate it.We work as a team here so any one of us will get to the bottom of it.

Jul 6, 2015

Shelley W.

I want to personally thank everyone who has responded to this thread. My decision to post it came after receiving disturbing bad news and then getting alerted to some negative activity here on BL Sunday morning. As some of you who know me I'm a domestic violence advocate. I speak for those who just can't speak for themselves because of the abuse. I'm often on call with local law enforcement for three area counties to step in and assist victims and their children with emergency housing/services or to just escape once and for all. I also go in and advocate for them in court against their abusers. Its exhausting and mentally/emotionally draining...its also dangerous as well. I've been verbally threatened and I even had one perp stalk me in hopes of finding his wife who was in hiding at an area shelter. I carry a concealed weapon to protect myself and that of my family.

BL is my outlet. Its my place to decompress from all the BS I see and deal with. I love helping anyone and everyone who asks for help whether it be skincare or makeup. I'm not a pro and if there is something asked beyond my scope of personal knowledge I bug the pros that I do know for assistance. I've seen quite a few of you blossom before my eyes...picking up advance techinques or just gaining to additional confidence to go outside your comfort zones. I even worry about a few of you if I don't see those pretty profile pics in threads.

So it pains me when I get on the site and read such ugly and disrespectful words being dished out like its no big deal. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but how its expressed and the tone in which it takes on...is depressing. Its one thing to correct a person but its quite another to go in for an attack like its WW3.

In my line of work young girls/women are referred to by their abusers as useless, stupid, ugly, a waste of space, trash...the list goes on and on. So why in the hell are fellow sisters being bullies against others is beyond my comprehension. We already have so many odds placed against us generated by society and men in general so what gives us the stinking right to be so mean towards eachother?

The arguement taking about;"I'm just opinionated and speak my mind." That is just utter hogwash. You can be opininated and outspoken without the meaness. As a group we need to stick together instead of bashing one another. We are a mix bag of cultures here. BL is an international community of beautiful women and its about time we start acting like sisters instead of enemies. Did you know in some cultures daily showers are deemed excessive. Did you know that in other parts of the world shaving is frowned upon based upon religious reasons? And there is even a tribe in Africa that appreciates women with a space in their upper front teeth. They are deemed beautiful and signify good luck for the man that marries such a woman.

I can no longer sit here and read the abuse that has going on. When people become fearful of posting due the Mean Girl mentality that exist then I find issue with it. No one should be scared to post a thread or respond to one. Going forward if I personally read a thread in which a user personally attacks, demean or just outright disrespectful I will call out the offender (s) myself. As I mentioned earlier we have lost quite a few helpful and super resourceful users due to negative behavior here and I won't stand to see the one's that remain to go as well.

I just want BL to be a safe place for ALL OF US to contribute without fear because in my line of work that's all I see.

Jul 5, 2015

Lori C.

I so agree shelley. This should be an information sharing forum not high school bitch fest. The lack of maturity in some posts is staggering.

Jul 5, 2015

Roz X.

I must admit, I've taken extended breaks from the board due to such nonsense. One can disagree without being disagreeable...as they say. I don't feel sharing info regarding the dangers of something is disrespectful or unkind, but instead the manner in which it is done that is offputting and sometimes meanspirited. I try to never dismiss another's thoughts, but instead perhaps address what may concern me or speak from a place of experience. Members need to embrace that discussion and debate is not equal to insult and harping. It is truly disheartening and I'm glad you are addressing it, but disappointed that it has cost us some wonderful, longtime users. Thank you, Shelley.

Jul 5, 2015

Kim M.

I completely agree. I've definitely cut down on how much I've posted. this group is about learning and exploring new ideas and techniques. everyone has different ways of achieving looks and stuff, bit people can be nice and respectful when sharing ideas and thoughts. thank you Shelley.

Jul 5, 2015

Tiffany B.

Now, I'm not referring to constructive criticism but it comes down to the good old fashion saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Very saddened that this is happening here, but honestly I haven't been on lately and the next couple sentences will explain why.

Personally what's been most frustrating to me is I see the same exact post every day, or it feels like it anyways. I just wish people would check to see if someone has posted about it before posting their questions that have probably already been answered. If your question hasn't been answered I can understand making a new thread, I do this every time I post a question.

Also what is up with this whole filtering everything deal? How can anyone give you advice if you can't even really tell what the makeup looks like?

I'm not usually a ranter but its been really bothering me lately.

Jul 5, 2015

Sabrina K.

It's so great to see so many of you guys backing this up!
We are overwhelmed by the hate and nasty-ness sometimes!
I honestly don't understand where all the sisterly love has gone!
And I understand why many loved members leave us at times.

What about all of us here on this thread start a beginning! Where we spread extra love and kill all the hate with kindness! So whenever someone freaks out on a thread, don't give them the satisfaction of attention, ignore them and contact us mods and we will deal with it! The more attention they get the more they will keep on doing it!

What do you all say? Let's for a community of love and freeze out all the hate!

Jul 5, 2015

Sabrina K.

Another thing girls, I promise you that we take all your concerns very seriously and we do our best to keep a good flow of thread! But yes it seems that every so often we will get folded with a trend and see 100 contour threads in a day for months! Also we know that there's a huge lack of comen courtesy, we do work on getting people to follow back and to just interact on the threads they make and believe me we get a lot of heat for that!
But you all mean a lot to us and we want this site to run as smoothly for you guys!

Jul 5, 2015

Kelly H.

That's exactly why I no longer post. I try to teach my daughter to be kind to other women and to always be confident and comfortable enough with herself to never be petty or cruel. I find the lack of respect for human kind in general saddening, but especially when it is ladies bullying other ladies, I will never understand why it is so hard for others to treat each other with kindness.

Jul 5, 2015

Tina S.

All you young ladies have made such valid points. more maturity, kindness, genuine support and advice please!! and what may sound honest to one may seem rude or blunt to another we are all on the same team round here xx more love n light to you all xx

Jul 5, 2015

Nicole A.

Shelley thank you for posting this, all this needed to be said, and great points made by all the beauties on here. This post and Almas from the other day were much much needed. I am always looking through threads and pictures and I love to give my input on many many reviews that I post, but other then that I stay very quiet for these various reasons. I feel like leaving myself most of the time): it makes me so sad how things have changed on here and how many great people no longer use this app...Thank you

Jul 5, 2015

Alma M.

I agree no one is going to win a knowledge award lol so it's best to be kind and open minded with respect. :)

Jul 6, 2015

Tamara F.

I'm glad it was said. I wanted to ignore it but I couldn't and that's why I was gone for almost two years. I'm back because I will not let the few disrespectful and obviously low self esteem keep me from my love for all things beauty...and sharing that with the other BL beauties. Opinions are just fine. If we were are exactly the same with similar taste then this will be a very boring forum. Imagine how empowering it would be if we all supported each other the way we wanted others to support us?

Jul 6, 2015

Roz X.

I'm honestly worn out typing on my phone detailed help for members who never return to threads to acknowledge help they actively sought out. I see Ms. Jacqueline and some others do the same and I feel it is another avenue of thoughtlessness..and just as damaging to the board as the rampant bickering and bullying that's been taking place. I also agree, do a search before you create a new thread. There is a wealth of information in our achives!! Lastly, the selfie threads..this trio of behavior patterns is why I often walk away..as do others. Strangely enough, the members who could truly benefit from this thread probably won't open it. You should have entitled it, "Urgent! Flip flop emergency!!" Shelley. ;)
Thanks again to those who took the time to not only read, but share thoughts and engage in active discussion. It was not without my appreciation or respect.

Jul 5, 2015

Nicole M.

Is absurd*

Jul 5, 2015

Kim M.

Like it Sabrina :)

Jul 5, 2015

Tiffany B.

^^ agreed @ Sabrina and we appreciate that we are heard :)

Jul 5, 2015

Alma M.

Great thread Shelley, I hope the community reads this and really thinks about it. :)

Jul 5, 2015

Jen C.

Yay Shelley!!! I completely agree with you and many of the other ladies who have posted on this thread. Several times I have seen " verbal wars" on threads where one person feels their opinion out ranks another's. I feel if I wanted to argue with some one I would call my sister ( we are pros at disagreeing with each other, we have had 27 years of practice :-) ). When I signed up for this community, my original desire was to use the photo section to expand my makeup horizon. When I found the talk section I was over joyed, and over whelmed at the same time. I have learned to be neutral and open minded when posting replies. My body will not react the same as anyone else's when it comes to products, and my personal way of doing things would make most of the users scream in terror, but it's what works best for me and I'm ok with it.
As for the female on female hate , this is not a competition, this is not a race. We are nothing more than a field of daisies, no two of us are alike, yet we are all beautiful in our own ways. Spread the love, not the hate. Namaste <3.
By the way, how would we report some one from the app? Or would we have to go to the web site, find the thread and report it from there?