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8 Breakup Survival Tips 

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A breakup is one of the most difficult things in life. No one can really prepare you for what happens during heartbreak. People will talk your ear off about the dos and don’ts of dating, but when it comes to the end of a relationship, the path to healing is yours to walk alone. When you’re going through it, it’s a big hill to climb. And as annoying as it is, all you really know is that only time will soothe the pain.

Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of broken hearts—some I’ve handled graciously and some…not so much. But with each, I’ve learned that making healthier choices can put you on a greater and faster path to recovery. There’s opportunity for acts of self-love, growth, and reflection. And if you do the work, you actually come out the other end as a much stronger and confident person, with a better understanding of how amazing you really are. From my heart to yours, here’s how to foster a healthy relationship with your breakup. Make this phase a time to take care of yourself.

1: Know there are no mistakes, just lessons

During a breakup, you’re going to think about every single thing you and your partner did wrong. It will probably consume you. Instead of harping on those moments, reflect on how you could have handled the situation in a different way and what you’ve gained from the experience. This way of thinking will keep you moving forward, rather than staying stuck in the past. I promise, you’ll have another opportunity to fall in love (if that’s what you want). And when that time comes, you don’t want to repeat the past—so take the time to reflect on lessons learned.

2: Don’t party your pain away

Your friends, as amazing as they are, will probably want to take you out and party hard! Though in my opinion, it’s not the best idea. Only because alcohol is a depressant and can put you in an even more emotional state that might lead you to do things you’ll likely regret—like calling your ex at 4 a.m. Partying also doesn’t solve anything. Ignoring your pain just means you’ll have to deal with it later. Let yourself feel what you feel. The more you let yourself process everything, the sooner you’ll heal.

3: Make a healthy dinner for friends

Even though I don’t think partying hard is a good idea, I do think surrounding yourself with those you love is. And a great way to pick yourself up is to prepare a delicious meal for your nearest and dearest friends. That’s right, you prepare the meal. Cooking is actually very healing and keeps your mind occupied with something productive. Call your friends and say you want to host a dinner party—even if it’s a potluck. They’ll jump at the chance to be there for you, and you’ll be amazed at how enjoyable it is to have good company around your dinner table in a time of need.

4: Sign up for fitness classes

This is a crucial one. Working out helps connect your mind to your body. It releases endorphins and dopamine that can instantly improve your mood and state of mind. When you’re going through a breakup, motivation to work out can be extremely difficult. But signing up in advance puts a task on the calendar and keeps you feeling good in your skin.

5: Find your mantra

Author and relationship expert Dr. Sandy Brewer has a famous mantra: “It’s this or better.” Her point is that it’s up to you to make the choice to move forward. And when you put yourself first, life will only progress, and whatever circumstances have broken your heart today will heal it tomorrow. Eventually you’ll create space for new and better things. Use this mantra if it works for you, or find another that gets you up in the morning.

6: Write things down

It’s really easy to focus on the negatives during a breakup. Or on the flipside, it’s also easy to forget about the negative stuff, and just pine away over how good things used to be. Fact is, if you broke up, there’s a reason and this is your time to take ownership over your wants and needs in matters of love. Turn off the TV, light a candle, and write down what it is you want for your next relationship. Go into detail and describe how you want to feel. Or, write down what you want for this next phase of your life. Do you want to focus on your career or fitness routine? Whatever it may be, write it down, focusing solely on the betterment of yourself.

7: Try something new

Pinpoint that thing that you’ve always wanted to try, but never did. Maybe it’s taking a salsa class or signing up for cooking lessons or finally going rock climbing. Now’s the time! The post-breakup period is all about falling in love with you again and novel experiences are the perfect way to jumpstart that. Go for it and don’t hold back.

8: Pamper yourself

Whether it’s getting your nails done, taking a hot bath, or getting a new haircut—or all of the above—take this opportunity to treat yourself. Treat yourself like the queen you are and do whatever makes you feel good.

Kit Rich is Los Angeles-based fitness trainer with endless exercise and nutritional know-how. Hollywood’s hottest stars are addicted to Kit’s unique, multi-disciplined approach that combines cardio, yoga, Pilates, and weight training. Kit’s clients are immediately taken by her funny and honest approach to health and fitness. She treats her clients as she treats herself, “with a hard challenge, sensibility, sensitively, and a good laugh.” Follow Kit on Twitter @kitrichfitness.