Goodbye Dad | BellaGemaNails

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My mom passed away 21 years ago as I slept through the night. For the next 10+ years after my mom’s death I associated death with sleep.
Show More My mom passed away 21 years ago as I slept through the night. For the next 10+ years after my mom’s death I associated death with sleep.

I developed Insomnia and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which gave me an irrational fear that my dad would pass away, if I fell asleep or if he did.

For years, I would stand over my dad’s bedside as he slept to check his breathing, sometimes screaming his name thinking he had stopped breathing.

He would wake up, not even startled, as he was used to me watching over him as he slept. He would assure me that he was okay. He would look at me with sadness because he felt my worry and torment.

I cared for my dad’s well-being, many times ignoring my own. I wanted my Dad to live and thrive. I held onto to his life long after my mom’s death.

Through the years spent with my dad, I’d seen him through a heart attack, a stroke, countless surgeries, life-threatening infections and hospital stays.
I needed him to live forever until forever became too long for his weakened body.

I stand before you today as a daughter that loved her dad, unconditionally. My dad was a very difficult man. I cared for him from a loving place even when he made it hard for me.

My dad made many mistakes but in the end he sought forgiveness. What he never said to me in my whole life, he said 3 days before his death. In that very moment, his spirit saw mine, and he wanted to uplift me in his truth.

I was ready to spiritually fight for him the way he always fought. My father is my hero, if it wasn’t for the fight and strength I had witnessed in him my whole life especially after my mom’s death. I would not be standing here today.

He taught me to be strong, to never give up and to rise when life kicks you in the teeth.

I’m going to leave you with one of the last things my dad said three days before his death. He said “Remember the Lord’s name on your last day.”

I want you all to know that I reminded him not only of the Lord’s name but of his loving grace, as I laid my hands on him in prayer while he took his final breaths.

God’s grace was revealed as he is now made whole.










p.s:

❤️ My dad was called home 11/21/2019 at 1:25PM. My heart is broken but it will mend. It’s been broken before. We are resilient beings capable of something as crazy as healing from something as bone-crushing as loss.
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