DANICA'S DIARY EP. 4 | MY FIRST BIKINI & GOING ON HOLIDAY WITH MY SEPARATED PARENTS | LoveFromDanica

Description

EP 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_F2ojr8XmY
Show More EP 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_F2ojr8XmY
EP 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYHauQXRrzA
EP 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FUSQ_DrnWA

FOR PICTURES MENTIONED IN TODAY'S EPISODE FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM @LOVEFROMDANICA
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01/08/2011

"Its the first of august today and I havent updated here in a wee while, im usually writing on this when im sad and need to express my anger through some shape or form of writing, however this time i seem to be writing because I feel comfortable enough to write down how content i am with some things at the moment.

I am back from croatia, it was a family holiday as always and mum came along which i had my thoughts about once i heard. Im always honest on here so when i say i didnt want her to come it is only the truth, however... it did end up being better (sometimes) than expected.

As far as weightloss goes i am happy, my 18th was a complete high even though i had not yet reached my full goal. For the sake of not wanting to feel like shit on my birthday i did not weigh myself and still currently have not. However I do feel much better, im proud to say i wore a bikini on holiday, the entire time yes :) that does not mean i looked fucking amazing in it but i think i can safely say i looked 'acceptable'. I can't say though, that i had the 'fuck it' attitude, well i did to an extent i said 'fuck it' in a sense that if anyone thought i looked fat i would think little do they know that i am doing something about it, it isnt like im going to be fat for much longer. But if i really had the entire 'fuck it' attitude i wouldnt really give a shit about my weight in the first place and would be waddling around in a bikini everyday 20stone or not.

i feel better in a lot more of my clothes i just want to go out and flaunt it i want to just go out to show myself that i do feel more comfortable.

But i am still on my journey.

It is easier to say 'fuck it' and all that inspirational life guidance when you are happy with yourself, but when you are at such a low self esteem it is so so so hard to have that frame of mind. It is easy for a skinny hot blonde girl to say 'fuck the haters do what you love' because she knows even if she does have haters the majority of people would kill to have her looks and good figure so thats one less major thing to worry about. However the fat girl says 'fuck the haters' but she still has to battle with living with being fat everyday.
What i am getting at is, you should fuck the haters but, do what you want to do, and the more you do what you want to do the more you will realise how easy it is to fuck the haters.
It really is all about the confudence, Gok Wan is right.

I've been thinking about this next topic for a while, friendship..past, present..inbetween..

The group of friends i have, i feel that when i am distant and dont communicate is when i like them the best and they like me. It's odd but its how ive summed it up. When i get off my arse(which might i add WAS often) to communicate with them and to arrange things with them - i would always find myself disappointed, let down or angry. However when i didn't arrange things stayed out of organisation they seemed a bit lost, confused that why 'Danica isn't herself lately'. No, Danica is herself she is just not wheelbarrowing all the shit around lately im seeing if you will make the effort.

It has popped up many times before in general rants at 4am with J or A etc, that I do feel that I make to much effort sometimes. Im not saying im a fucking saint of a friend, but im keen to be active go out with them and have fun ( as it is evident that many of them seem to not know what that is, shall i say MOST of the time..) I can understand how that is naggy, desperate, annoying - but come on give me a break, we always say how we are 'such a close friend group' SO close that we have NO other friends and thats why IM SO CLINGY CAUSE I HAVE KNOWONE ELSE TO DO ANYTHING WITH.

I wasn't angry there with the caps on, it's just that is the first time I have really been able to sum up my many thoughts on that topic in a reasonable sentence.

Like many of my posts end - i feel better after writing all of that down, so i shall leave.. until next time!

Danica"

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See you soon!

xx
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